Taylor Swift & What it Means to Belong
I’ve been thinking a lot about what it means to be seen by others and the difference between fitting in versus belonging. As Brené Brown writes in her book The Gifts of Imperfection, “Fitting in is about assessing a situation and becoming who you need to be to be accepted. Belonging, on the other hand, doesn't require us to change who we are; it requires us to be who we are.”
In the last couple of years, I’ve been speaking to several people who seem to have lost their sense of belonging, whether it’s due to working remotely, moving to a different community, becoming a parent, the loss of a job, or the loss of a loved-one or a relationship. And, even though we are more connected than ever - we still feel so alone. Where do we turn when we don’t know where we belong? One of the many answers is art and more specifically, music, and even more specifically, Taylor Swift.
Think about it - why has Swift blasted into our collective consciousness over the past year? How has Swift become the phenom that she is in our post-COVID world? – She lets us know that we are okay and that we belong.
I was listening to Taffy Brodesser-Akner, a staff writer for The New York Times Magazine, talk about Swift and why a 48-year-old woman, like herself, would be a Taylor Swift super-fan. And, what Brodesser-Akner came to realize is that not only do Swift’s songs chronicle the journey of growing up – from girlhood to womanhood and all of its struggles and triumphs, but her songs often revolve around the “negative” emotions of the human condition: grief, envy, regret, anger, anxiety, loneliness, betrayal, shame, etc. And, being human, we can all relate to those difficult emotions. It’s the specificity in Swift’s lyrics that lead her songs to feel even more universal:
Loneliness/Depression: “Time won’t fly, it’s like I’m paralyzed by it / I’d like to be my old self again, but I’m still trying to find it / After plaid shirt days and nights when you made me your own / Now you mail back my things and I walk home alone” - “All Too Well” from “Red”
Anger: “I didn’t have it in myself to go with grace / ‘Cause when I’d fight you used to tell me I was brave” – “My Tears Ricochet” from “Folklore”
Regret: “The road not taken looks real good now” – “‘Tis the Damn Season” from “Evermore”
Betrayal: “I don’t like your kingdom keys / They once belonged to me / You asked me for a place to sleep / Locked me out and threw a feast” – “Look What You Made Me Do” from “Reputation”
Grief: “I should have kept every grocery receipt / ‘Cause every scrap of you would be taken from me” – “Marjorie” from “Evermore”
Embarrassment: "A con-man sells a fool a get-love-quick scheme." - "Loml" from "The Tortured Poets Department"
So, why does Taylor Swift matter to so many people? Even though her life as a super celebrity is so far removed from our everyday lives, (assuming most of us have not dated celebrities or been pushed off a stage by Kanye West), she writes about all of the pain that comes with being human. She reminds us that those feelings are okay – they’re real – they make us real. As Brodesser-Akner noted, “All great art is the art that sees you [...] if you show somebody that they are real, you have them for life.” And because of this, Swift's fans are part of something bigger than themselves - and she has those fans for life.
I wish everyone to feel like they belong and like they are seen, whether it’s by a friend, family member, therapist, coach, co-worker, a stranger on the street, or even a piece of music.
With coaching, I have the power of giving that gift to the people that I work with and I don’t take it for granted. It’s what keeps me going. Because, if we feel like we are real and we belong, we are part of something bigger than ourselves. We don’t live to survive; we matter – we live to thrive.
